In the last weeks I have been practicing and exercise not only with my clients but also with my husband and I experienced a transformation happening before my eyes. I have been training in IMAGO which it is a relation base therapy were couples learn to communicate more effectively understanding and having more empathy about your partner’s childhood wounds. This kind of therapy helps to transform any conflict between couples into opportunities of healing and growth.
The last two weekends I spend my time with Linda Lewter and Michelle Bohls my instructors to become a certified IMAGO therapist (hopefully by the end of this year.) I had two wonderful and insightful weekends and from this experience I would like to share something you can do today to improve your relationship. You can find this exercise in the book of “Getting the Love your want” By Harville Hendrix and Helen LAKelly Hunt page 270 and they call it “Positive Fooding”
Instructions: Find a piece of paper and draw 4 vertical columns where you can write the following titles: Physical attributes I like about you, Character traits I enjoy, Behaviors I appreciate and Global affirmations (positive words of affirmation towards your partner such as I am so glad I married you, I want to live with you the rest of my life” “I enjoy spending time together” “I love you” etc) After both of you write the list with the 4 column finish please find a safe and quiet place in your home or garden were you can sit face to face, shoulder to shoulder and knees to knees with your love one. Then read this out loud to each other and look them in the eye while you do this.
After doing this exercise one day about a month ago with a couple in my practice (affordable online therapy) I came down stairs where my husband was and I started doing this with him just from the top of my mind out of the blue. He smile at first and as I kept going and going he started to get an inquisitive face and asked me once I had finished “What do you want from me?” I laughed and I explain that it was only an exercise I do with my clients in therapy” I realized then and through out the last months that most of our times we spend thinking about the negatives traits of the other, or after conflict we end up blaming the other person for what they did wrong. But how often do we spend our day thinking what we love about our partners? What is beautiful about them? and Why are we glad we chose each other in the first place? It was so easy for me to think of these when I was dating but after 20 years of being married I had to confess I don’t do it as much as I should!
Sometimes at the end of these sessions I read from the Bible to my Christian clients the wise words of Paul in Philippians 4:8 “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praise worthy, think about such things” Such a powerful quote! Don’t you think? Imagine we will transform our daily thoughts going through out our days thinking about what you love and admire about our partner? What a change you will have!
There is more to that from this exercise but in order to help you find a more fulfilling experience doing it I invite you to make an appointment, so we can do this together.